So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
