you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
