so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
