i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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