I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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