eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They are going to name an STD after you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
