There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
