did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
