dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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