i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
