cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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