Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
love makes seman taste better
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
