So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
