Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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