i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at about main and main street
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize