my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
