Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
