Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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