my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
