At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
