break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
