She said her name was "party"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
