Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think my vagina is haunted
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
