Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize