so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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