I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
