The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
