i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize