i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
