That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
