Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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