he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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