im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Two words: blizzard sex
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
