This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
