My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
