they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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