I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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