also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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