Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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