i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
