I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
