Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
