I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
