i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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