the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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