In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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