Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
