Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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