just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
