We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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