i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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