for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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