I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
