I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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