I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
