remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
