that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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