Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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