we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
