i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
