you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
