honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Actions speak louder than pants.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize